I absolutely loathe it when people quotes you on an entirely different context and says they're quoting it from you. Please, if you can't quote then don't do it. It doesn't makes you look any smarter nor does it gives me any joy to know that OMG someone is quoting me! It just makes me think that "She just don't geddit isn't it!!!?!?!?!"

Being principled is one thing, being anal is another. Being funny is one thing, being irritating is another. Funny is when somebody actually laughs about it. Not when questions are.. I don't know, redundant or questions that answers has already been presented but you're just asking for the sake of asking. It's like asking why human can't shit out of the mouth instead of the hole at the bottom.

Because we're built this way. Maybe you should try finding god and ask why he created us this way. Tell me when you find him so I can too ask why skepticism exists.

----

On the same page of the text, I'd like to mention I dislike irrelevant comments to a statement I've made. For example I was telling a friend about this statement a celebrity made about the wedding of local celebrities fann wong and christopher lee. The celebrity was saying that both of them are nice people and they deserve happiness.

What's wrong?

What I did was simply said that "I like that statement he made" and the comment I got?

"wtf they nice people meh (referring to the couple) so not sincere"
"eh u know them personally meh?"
"well, i just don't like fann wong"

Like wtf can? That's seriously wtf. It's like you can be biased against her, don't like her, hate her to the core but what does it matter? I am referring to the goddamn comment in context of the meaning and flow of the sentence. Not your personal vendetta against her.

So you see, its like whatever you do, even if you don't kill anyone's father or mother they'd still find fault with you. Good thing to note? It's not your fault.. Some people just don't like you. No choice one you know. *shrugs shoulder*

------

In a nutshell, I think it's getting harder for me to answer why people are getting less objective on subject matters and less considerate and kind to people around them. Come on, don't torture me like this just because I mentioned I like the wedding wishes. You can say "ahh, that line sounds a lil not so sincere.. and btw I don't like fann wong." but don't tell me "wtf? they nice people meh?" when you don't even bloody know them personally, what position do you have to make a judge on their character?

Just think about that.

I like to think the 2 above mentioned friend as really goood buddies but there's a limit somewhere isn't it? Not everything you like you have to do your way. If people don't like it very much, even if they don't show and become quieter as usual, have some sense, think. What's more, I expressed the unwillingness to talk about certain topics and certain aspects that I find irritating (albeit in a more light-hearted way so as not to strain the r/s)

Having character is one thing, backstabbing yourself and staining yourself is another.

A song I overheard while watching the Malaysia-Singapore drama - 美食厨师男 on Mediacorp TV channel 8. Nice cast and storyline.. Such dramas are gaining popularity now! Forget about the weird accents, we're accustomed to it now. :))



张栋梁 - 低调
作词：管启源　 作曲：柯贵民
专辑:沉默的瞬间

嬉笑 打闹 拥抱
留下了那么多开心合照
互相取暖依靠 熬过了最低潮
一起生活 也一起埋怨过
走过最好与最糟
我在心里想的不用说明 你知道

晨昏 日夜 颠倒
这房子突然没从前热闹
散落一地微笑 没有人去打扫
感情很微妙 再多付出也好
再多关心都徒劳
爱从来就没有固定的轨道
它最后停在哪里谁知道

我的难过是如此低调
因为不想打扰我在寂寞的墙角
努力的对自己好 你用微笑回报
朋友或情人不重要
我的悲伤是如此低调 傻子才会哭闹
就算你发现也好
我想你一定会选择 假装不知道
只怕我自己的掩饰不够好
(难到是我对我自己 不够好)

I've been toying with the idea for the longest time. To do something I like and give up on how society look at me. To be truly carefree and be contented with whatever I have. I guess this is what everyone wants but rarely any put it into actions. It's harder when life pushes you to the brink and threaten you with everything you have.

I don't know if I can do it.

It's taking a toll on me and I'm tired. I'm not cut out for teacher material and to be honest, I'm not even sure if I'm right for anything. it's the quarter crisis and I'm not over it. The everyday decisions I have to make just gets harder every single time it pops up and there's lesser people that I trust as days goes by.

Pathetic I know.

I'm turning into this sensitive monster who takes offense at every comment thrown to me whether in jest, intentionally or not. I'm judging and I'm judging it harsh. I'm not in my most benevolence self and would not forgive. I'm having a hard time telling and assuring myself that I'm still mentally sound.

I'm not sure whether you see it but at the rate I'm changing topics, you should have know. Really.

My mind's spinning and processing information faster than I can put it down in words and for a moment I relate myself to the essay I did with my student today. The one about children stuttering and maybe, I'm stuttering because my train of thought is running too fast. Oh wait wait! I need to halt the train in its track first.

Several random stuffs I've discovered over the weekend and just need to put down here..

1:50am in the morning and I'm not sleeping. I'm just glad we're having class at 4pm tomorrow later today.

The air-conditioner's driving me crazy. Drip, drip, drip. It just can't stop dripping. It doesn't matter if I switch it on or off. As long as the main compressor's working, it drips and only in my room. Screw that bloody technician who did the pipes the first time round.

I'm busy this week through, despite having only 2 evening lessons this week! The reason being students are having fun changing timing and days in this sudden, spontaneous fashion that I am growing sick of their irresponsible behaviors. So apparently, my time are worthless as compared to theirs as they switch timing to get out to the movies, outings while I have to suffer the consequence and re-arrange my schedule before it clashes with another student.

That warrants me enough to tell one of my student that "hey, I won't be switching lessons or allowing you to switch lessons for these 2 weeks."

It doesn't matter what happens on the 3rd week. I won't have time for them to switch so it won't be possible nor happening. :))

And you guys asked why I have a favorite student? That's because he's 17, smart, hardworking, nice tempered and cute, both in character and looks. Now you know why.

And before you guys start thinking I have a crush on my 17 yo kid, no, I don't and seriously, I think I fancy his ugly looking puppy more. That bugger literally frowned today when I was leaving. What a stressed out dog! He's probably needing some new toy to chew on. I heard he has the habit of biting others' foot so perhaps he need a new foot.

Wow, I've written this all in 12 minutes. I know it ain't a big deal but for a long time I just lost my will, ideas and everything that's required to  write a blog entry properly without using "la leh lors" or sounding like a bimbo or something.

Perhaps I've just lost my mind. Pardon me! :)




 

Getting tired from socializing with people who are being a total jack ass. Yeah, first of all let me send my congrats that you're born into a family that gives you sufficient food, clothing and a luxury big house to live in. Secondly let me congratulate you that despite all the differences in your family you still get to rely on members within the family when you're troubled. Thirdly, let me congratulate you again, for the fact that you're born into such a family gives you the assurance and financial security to do whatever you need to and want to without worrying too much about the money.

I think you're truly blessed and I like being your friend. Really.

Except when money comes into the picture and when you started to bring up sensitive issues times and times again without thinking. As much as I try to be tolerating, I think there's a limit somewhere.

Don't ask me why I've got no money left when I'm giving tuition. Don't start giving me that "I don't know what you're doing.." crap because:

1) You're still using your parent's money.
2) You're not required to pay off the family expenses. This includes giving money to the members in the family.
3) You don't have to finance any study loan on your own.
4) You didn't start work right after the O's with the responsibility to help out with family expenses.

Unless you're in my shoe or somewhere similar, I'd appreciate it if you'd share some sense and spare a thought for my feelings. I keep quiet because I don't wanna spoil our friendship which I really treasure.. but if you know who you are, please, stop it.

Take it as a plead, take it as a good deed done. Otherwise I can only hope for you to have a chance to be in my shoe to see things more clearly and in a more sensible way. You probably need it if you still don't know where you've gone wrong already.

These days I don't sleep as much as I used to. I lack energy and I feel like some 80's instead of the 20's. I get tired from conversation I'm not interested in. I used to join in even if it's not my kinda thing but now it seems I don't do it anymore.

Shrug it off.

Smile it off.

Pretending to be deaf, mute and blind.

Lord. I can't even get to sleep now. Feeling something's gonna happen anytime, unrest and I'm not sure. What else? Having the runs at this kinda time ain't right either.

On a totally random tone, mom showed me this ultra big black butterfly with bold white stripes resting on our gate just now before moving off to our shoe rack when mom opens the door. I got curious and found this on the internet.
What? But then again, every lunar month we get  big moths, big butterflies flying in and conveniently into my room every time. Mom say it's the grand parents visiting me and we arn't supposed to kill it but it's just ewww. so I decided to close the windows this time round.

Let's hope everything's fine cause I've been feeling like the temper's there and the sleeping routine's a screw up.

9am and the class isn't starting. I wonder if it's a good or bad thing.

Spent the whole night playing monopoly online with Xinying and Xingjie. Xingjie la, always introduce me such addictive things. I wonder if I have the energy to teach tuition in the evening. Lol!

Better not fall asleep like what Paul Lee did while giving remedial lessons. Dozed off on my table!

I digressed.

Am now sitting alone, several seats away from Mingmei and peeps. Playing 'anti-socialism' because my laptop need a charge from the only cable point from the back otherwise I'd have nothing to do (can't view the ppts since I'm really for the paperless cause)

In short, I'm bored.

Thanks goodness we have today as a 3hr lecture.I have the next 3 hours free, probably take a nap at the benches in the quiet corner of the school before meeting up with Iris to help her with the economics. After that it's a 2hr tuition. Good thing tomorrow's Saturday when I can arrange for later sessions with the kids..
 

Caught movie "The Proposal" with Addy on Tuesday. I thought it was going to be good and funny but it was better! I ended up bursting out my laughter in many parts of the movie. Just nice when I needed it!

And Alaska's beautiful. Can I go Sitka please? Hahahahahhaa

As usual, been tired from tuition, school and everything else. Sleep just don't seems to be enough and I'm feeling the heat already. Not a fantastic feel! 


One day thing's gonna be okay. For everyone and everything.
Just wait and believe.

I don't feel the thrill of doing somebody else work.
I don't feel the need to be giving reminders every time for things undone or done shabbily.
I have no idea what makes people tick, but I'd crave them like a smiley if I could.

That makes me wonder, what am I doing to myself? Getting all busy not over my own business but tying up others' loose ends. Pushing myself to the limits to make things better when somebody else should learn the concept.

But that's still okay.

The most infuriating one would be when I treat you as a good friend, accepting you into our group when others still treat you as an 'outsider'. If it's of no value to you then don't get somebody close to me to come and demand something from me.

It's not a favor. Not unless you're asking me personally.

I probably should just live my life irresponsibly towards others but 100% responsible to myself so I can save on all the niceness towards others and put them all on myself. Why should I always accommodate and give in to others request?

It sucks.

So we have all this night markets called Pasar Malam going on in the district recently since it's national day and all and I can't help but buy a bowl of 'shark fin soup' every time I pass by the stall. We all know it's not really shark fin with simple and cheap ingredients that you and me can make for a big pot with less than $10 budget in an hour or lesser!

That's what I did! :)) (i'm just being a miser, $2.30 for a small bowl isn't my kind of thing)


I'm gonna post the recipe up here since Grace always complain there's a lack of food post... and since I might just really forget about the recipe later on. I'm really bad with remembering things sometimes.

What you'll need:

- chicken stock (I used chicken paste, lesser MSG better for my hair. LOL..)
- some chinese mushrooms (i sliced up about 15-20 medium ones)
- 8 crab sticks, peeled or chopped.
- oyster sauce, light soy sauce, pepper and vinegar to taste.
- corn flour to make the texture starchy.
- 1 or 2 egg, beaten.

1. soak chinese mushrooms in water till soft. slice them up thinly. Never slice them up too thickly because mushroom actually balloons when they're in soup and it's really ewww sometimes to be eating them in big chunks.

2. boil the stock from soaking the mushroom, add in chicken stock and wait till it boils. throw in mushroom and crabstick, let it boil.

3. use a dry tablespoon to spoon corn flour onto a clean bowl. add some water and stir. (do not add too much water. just enough to dissolve them.)

4. pour the solution from 3 to the pot. stirring as you pour in.

5. when the pot boils again, check for texture. If starchy enough, now you're ready to slowly stir in your beaten eggs.

6. Add in oyster sauce, soy sauce, vinegar and pepper to taste. DONE! :D

**i added in some dry scallops to add some seafood sweetness to the soup.**

I'm so proud of myself for finally not pulling my punches back. For years I've endured his humiliation, insults, insane temper and that brainless retard thinking he's the best when all he knows are nothing but punches, kicks and ohh the very colorful language that we all know only people with limited vocabularies will use.

Shame on you, asshole.

( before and after the fight.. )

On a sidenote, getting bashed wasn't really that painful. Probably it's because I'm too experienced or perhaps it's because nothing can be any more painful than the bicycle crash I've had several years ago. Or maybe it's just my fats la. Who say being fat is bad?  Those fats serve some use okay! =)

Ever since we moved here exactly 2 years and 2 days ago, we have come to observe that our 2 immediate neighbors have got some interesting characters in their homes. One such example is the uncle who lives in the house located nearest to the lift.

The uncle is a weird character. He's very friendly to my mom, so friendly that my mom got spooked by him and refuses to take the same lift as him if he happens to be around. "He's eerie and strange." my mom would say.

I'd see him sleeping at the void decks or just staring straight into space, as if there's so much time to spare he could afford just.. staring into space like that. I'd always tell mom how I wish I could have his time so I won't rush around like a crazy nutcase, wishing for 30 hours a day.

But today, I wish I didn't say that.

On Friday when I passed by the void deck, I saw a Chinese styled funeral going on. All I thought of was how I'd have to avoid walking home for the next 2 days (typically it will take 3  days) and how common it is, since our neighborhood is one of those elderly, children and pets-friendly places.

Later on Sunday after tuition, I was a little taken aback by how the whole funeral have ended before the usual 3 days period and when I reached my floor, I was feeling a little weird that Uncle's bike, hasn't been around for 2 days.

Then came the shocking news today. My brother was at home and told me that he has spoke to Uncle's son and he has told him that Uncle's gone. From this whole stomach ulcer thing. We can't believe it since I still said hi to Uncle on Thursday or Friday when I met him while waiting for the lift to get back to my unit. He looked well and fit as usual. It's just not possible!

When I came home today and I looked around for his bike once more and saw that it's gone, it finally dawned on me that Uncle's really gone. He's probably one of the most creepy neighbor I ever knew (one month ago he was under the void deck and 2 policemen were checking up on his ID) but his life probably shouldn't end this way.

What's Auntie gonna do?

Mom and me are much more closer to Auntie, who's always home taking care of the 2 adorable grand daughters and who's always mingling around with the neighborhood aunties; riding her bike around the area playing the role of this sociable, amiable and happy person. I haven't been seeing her around since yesterday and I hope she's doing fine.

On a side note I was wondering why a couple of weeks ago I saw this 5 person paramedic team going to their place. I thought it was those H1N1 thing since all the paramedics were wearing mask and carrying this stretcher thing. Now I think I got it. It probably was for Uncle. He must have been very sick already then.

Rest In Peace, Uncle.

Well, apparently true life story.. an elder man was banned from KFC for life for ordering chicken liver.. which was available at his own town. He was said to be 'harassing' the cashier when he wants is the $1 chicken liver.

Poor guy.

Currently in the computer lab doing nothing while waiting for the lecturer to start the lesson on using the SPSS software. Actually ah, I've got brief experience with the software. Like very brief experience. Edwin once asked us to use that for our flexsim statistics but we ended up using Minitab!

He swore by the goodness of SPSS so I'm gonna try it and see if it's true!

It's gonna be a long day today, since I've got to get out after school to do some work. There's nothing known as a 'short' day to me now ever since I began all the tutoring regime. It's like I'm working OT everyday, at better rates with lesser soul in me each and every second.

I think I just need my "me time" ya know?

Someone asked if I won't be tired out by everything, school and all. I've forgotten what I've replied but truth to be told, I'm so drained everyday! What's the point of all that money when  I haven't got any soul right? Well, none.

But that's the way it is...

I've got like one of the most amazing weekend ever!

the girls from the les clique came over to my place for steamboat + wii on Saturday and everyone's screaming away when we lost/won a game. The most intense competition were between yvette and ruiqi, who were constantly running down on each other and passing sarcastic remarks in the most funniest way before battling out the hell of each other because they refused to lose!

hahahaha!

von and wangeng were the chefs for the day and the food tasted so good! My tastebud still misses the taste of the steamboat and bbq on saturday! the both of them, literally cooked the soup from scratch; throwing corns, wolfberries and other condiments and ingredients into the big metal pot; running around the kitchen busily while the others crammed in the room and played wii.

ahem!

Oh right! I would like to proudly announce the winner for the bowling competition. We beat the other team (consisting wg, von and ruiqi) hands down even though addy, vette and I tried to you know, let them win. In chinese we call it 放水 but we're just so good at it we can't help it. hahahahah. the other team were so MAD! they were better with tennis, so they decided to compete with us in that.. which of course we lost. -_-""

Discovered many things I didn't knew back then in Secondary years and had this refreshing session for all the weird stuffs done back then. Example like how someone got dumped by loser group(hahahaa), how someone jumped around different tables during recess time because she doesn't fancy the topics at each table and ended up sleeping in class and got caught by the prefects. How some people cheated on the test and was treated nicely by the teacher while the other poor soul who got copied, got the evill pick on! Also, how somebody were so fierce that it scares others off from taking her fish and chips again... and of course, all the other romance rumour and whats not. That's what gatherings are for isn't it? digging up the ugly past and laughing at them in such fun atmosphere and thinking back "okay shit, I'm such a wreck!"

:)))

We've got some pictures taken rather randomly (and not to forget the camwhoring of a certain certain salted fish..) so I'll be uploading the pictures up facebook once I'm free from my assignment and planning of my tuition schedule! Before that happens, I'll be just putting this entry up before I forgot about blogging it altogether! :D

So busted.

I'm currently feeling all life's sucked from me and I'm close to sleeping off at the school's main entrance with the receptionist staring straight into my face (and mine's into hers.) lol!

We presented our small little project today within the stated 10minutes. Ironically, we're the only team who did that. the other teams had too much information and content that went over the 10mins. I quote the ang moh lecturer here.

"Short and sweet presentation."

Of course! Not something to be proud of very much if you compare the fact that the other teams add in other elements which we thought were redundant since some of them have too much details and became  the focus instead.

Anyway! I'm supposed to be meeting our grace guru as she's in school for the orientation... where is she now?!

Randomness aside, there's this group of kiddos wearing orange and blue storming into our campus! I wonder why are they here, but its cute nevertheless hehe! :D

I

I can't close my mouth now because I'm tooooooo happy! Sometimes miracle happens. Maybe it was a coincidence but so what? I'm still glad. VERYYY.

On the other hand, my kid for thursday behaved extremely well and was so nice to me that I find it dangerous. I asked her if she was under medication or if she did anything wrong; the reasons for her strange, unlikely well behavior! She shyly replied and said no, teacher.. I'm not under medication! :P

She even drew me a cool birthday card! Although I have to spell the words out for her and fold the paper into 2 because she can't seems to fold them properly. Talk about hands coordination! My other student, gave me a lollipop today. Very nice of her, except I forgot about it when I'm leaving.

Guess I can let her satisfy her sweet tooth without bribing her out of my pocket ;) Oh and she's really good with her pinyin! I thought that was rare for a P1 and in this society where there's so many ang moh kia around! Having no tuition tomorrow so probably staying in to do some reading up and finish off the presentation for the coming week.

Better get to bed now at this hour; and stitch my mouth up! :D

Today I've got a wonderful email from our dear RP graduate system. It looks like this:



feeling great and lucky, I began to surf the web during lesson to verify it's specs. Can't be fake I guess, since I'm on my lucky break.

(I should have known when I forgot to buy like mom says, system bet for the 4D yesterday or else I'll be 2k richer today..)

DAMN HAPPY LA!  Then during the morning breakfast break, Carrie checked her phone and said:

"eh, RP say I win laptop.."

"same as charmaine lor" mingmei reply (coz i was damn happy i told her during lesson)

"eh yeah.."

That's when the suspicion set in. RP can't be this good. Two laptops? You're kidding me! We all know RP's a miser.. So I called up the number given in the email and then it was verified.

I won an ACER LAPTOP! It's a coax, system error he said. My mind just reminded me of how stupid I am asking mom not to spend $24 to buy system bet yesterday. Now my heart, my lung, my brain all hurting very much. :((

This is the email sent briefly after the call I made. Very interesting joke for a non-april fool day RP! >:(



 

I wanted to type up something random in this space.. something that I found while rearranging my bedroom a moment ago, but lost my track of thought when I remembered the case study tomorrow. I hope I have enough time for everything..but then I'll not have enough money for everything.

You reap what you sow? How true!

Yawn.. it's gonna be a long day tomorrow. School till 3 and tuition in the night with Ms Tantrum(she's quite nice actually, save for being hyperactive, sensitive and defiant behind mom's back)

I really, really do love her just as much as the other students but I can't help but wonder and entertain thoughts of going 'babyless' in future if this is what I have to deal with for the next 25years. Let's see if she behaves better tomorow! I'm sure there's a way to help everyone become a better person. No? Maybe I'll introduce her to Georgie the kind bear so she can start talking to imaginery friends.

Just kidding! :D