I have a 'little sister' who broke her leg sometime back. Now she's not contactable, for she's being grounded as well.

Today she facebook msg me and I was so glad. At least it means she's still doing fine.

No contacts after so long is really worrying. Though the communication is still a problem but at least I know she's doing ok and recovering.

If you're reading this little sally,

JIA YOU! :D

我是个不知足的人.

不知足, 不快乐. 不见得知足的人一定会快乐.

现在我只感觉无奈, 愤怒和不屑. 这种感觉也有一段时间了.

好想心平气和的与人说话, 可是当你知道无论说什么都没人理会时或当他们只不过需要个人来告诉他们说"你是对的" 让他们的罪恶感减轻一些些.. 其实说了与没说并没什么意义.

除此之外..我不可以接受因为自卑而否认自己的能力, 跟不能因为知道将来会辛苦而不去奋斗. 所以我会更加油去做我认为可行的事. 就算最后是真的行不通, 至少我试过了.

我很贪心. 不知道贪心的我几时才能真正的学会开心快乐, 知足就好.

They say, life is fair.

Life may gives you many initially and take away everything towards the end or they may, give you nothing and take away none of all that you've built up through hardship and diligence.

Of course, when there's positive, there's always negatives and they say, life's not fair.

I have a colleague who is lying in the ICU now fighting hard for the chance to breathe and live. She was initially involve in a operation that should allow her back at work this month but later on, doctor found that something's going with her digestive system and she needs another operation. When everyone thought "this should be it" and expect her to come back to work happily and with a healthy body soon, news spread.

That there's been some complications and as such, her lungs and heart have been infected.

I've met this colleague of mine only once and she left a deep impression on me for she was the kind of person you know that sun shines on. The kind who brings laughter to people. While I was transferred to the east temporarily, I sat at her table and spoke to her on the phone once or twice when she called to help her assistant who were having problem coping being new and all despite her being hooked up on drips and all in the hospital.

Today, my colleague and I tried to visit her at the hospital. On the way there, we got a call from the others from the other office who have reached and were told that she's too tired for any visiting so we had to cut short our journey and go for lunch before we head back to office. My colleague were anxious to know how she's doing and I believe everyone in the office is worried for everyone was discussing about her the whole morning.

We can do nothing but pray and hope for the better because at this very moment, there is very little that we can do despite the willingness to do so.

K, if you hear us, stay strong and live well. We know you're a fighter and you'll get through soon enough. =)

2010 didn't start too well for me. First, I had the washing machine breaking down which means I have to soak one whole big basket of clothes and washing them one by one, twisting them before throwing into the god-send clothes dryer. The whole session felt like a gym session strengthening my back, firming my flabby arms and totally making me do all that squats I skipped for the past few years.

Argh. And my stupid brother decided to use it this morning, causing the ultimate flood in the kitchen. I didn't offer to help him clean up the mess. :P

It really didn't affect me much until I was online checking my card transactions and realize I've been victimized for credit card fraud!!! By a certain www.redarrowaid.com. The link they associate with was called "Mom Wants Cash" which sounds more like a pornsite than a charity (which the banker on the phone asked very innocently..) and which I am sure that I am not that charitable to donate $7.03SGD.

If I really need to donate, I will donate in whole numbers. You geddit, scammer? :D

I was telling mom how dumb the person must have felt, hoping to scam off thousands and hundreds when I seldom deposit money into the specific account unless I know I'm ordering things online. But even so, $7.03 is erm.. ermm...

Pathetic. Like seriously? 0_0"

Even though 2010 started off badly, I'm hoping things will turn better and may everyone have a happy year! :DDD

Tomorrow's back to work and it might be awkward especially since the burst on Wednesday. I'm not so sure what else I can do for the people at work to help make things better. I mean, we should all be at harmony right? :)

Spent the day at home switching channels and trying to keep things real so I thought it would be a good idea to start the biological tap flowing to release those raging hormones and avoid them from wrecking havoc at work tomorrow. Ended up watching this show called "The Promise", an original Singapore film about a 17 year old girl who had mild intelligence disability falling in love with a 19 year old guy who has this indifferent attitude towards everyone and it's only when the girl's around can you see the rare smile appearing on his face.

I like this film and I'd watch it over and over again because I feel that it brings out a community message for us to be more understanding towards the less privileged instead of looking at them through our colored spectacle and judging them for being simple-minded and optimistic which should in the first place, a quality to be embraced and encouraged. I'd love to keep a copy of this film as private collection but in Singapore, it's really difficult to find local films in the video shop unless they're produced by Jack Neo.

There's couple of scenes and dialogue that I really like from the film, etc: the scene of the lead characters silently standing in the rain and the closing scene whereby the guy has became a famous artist after 3 years and while being interviewed about the concept of his painting; simply smile silently. His painting is titled "48minutes after the smile".

Oh and this!

"If you can keep your promise and be the sun to take care of her for life, it's never too late. The sunflower will always be a sunflower. It will never be too late." -found in a letter written by the girl's mother to the guy after she asked if he is confident of taking care of the girl (here referred as sunflower) for her entire life.


=))))

Dear Santa,

I just want to make myself feel a little better by doing things I like on a festive like this instead of spending it doing things people decide they wanna do and even when I voice out that I don't really wanna do it, there seems to have no choice for me but to follow what the majority says when I'm there. Do you have any idea how much I hate it when majority wins the minority and minority have to follow suit doing something they really don't like? So I made the decision to bail and I have a close friend telling me she don't understand.

Now Santa, I know I may not be significant and not the best person with the best temperament and values one can have. But I suppose I can at least do something I like without being felt like a puppet controlled to accommodate the majority and to please everybody especially on a festival like this? Strong feelings there I know.

It's been there for some time and you're probably wondering why I don't ask the others out except you. I like the people but there are only so many times I can give in and say okay anything then hate myself when I get home. Maybe I'm different or maybe I'm just being difficult.

I hope you understand.

*Santa, I'm still waiting for my present through the windows. There's no chimney around so you gotta shed some weight off and probably climb the walls.*


With all love and sincerity,
crazyshoots

The week pass by rather quickly and while I've moved office for the time being I've knew some rather interesting individuals and am very thankful for their care so I won't feel so lonely there! Even my boss and big boss seems so cute (though I thought they were nice already) Heh.

Also, we had a nice Christmas celebration during lunch time yesterday but alas, I had to make a trip to my agent's office during lunchtime else my payroll will be delayed so I couldn't wait till the entire celebration is over which is around.. 3pm? Other times though, I'm running up and down, spending lesser time at my desk and more time productively finding 'missing' items. I'm glad to say that with due dilligence we actually managed to uncover most of the more critical parts! Thanks to the peeps at the store who helped but my most diligent friend is going to JK on Monday.. I dread to think of what might happen from now on.

Many people are asking me how's work and I think it's really nice but I really wish things could be better. =)

I have so many things to say and I don't know where to start. I bumped into an old friend recently and despite all the words that's been spreading around, most of the timeI have this inner gut feeling telling me this person is still the same old person I knew and the 'me' inside actually disregard whatever people have said and chose to believe entirely in this person. I'm not quite sure if I'm being too naive and trusting sometimes. It irks me occasionally too but I can't help it! =(

And a sidenote.. THANKS FOR THE XMAS PRESENTS! Had this really nice and exquisite cookies from boss early in the morning and the other gifts that sends my tear duct working like a tap (erm, almost.) and yes, I'm trying to say I'm very touched! :DD

I love you all! *sends flying kiss all over*


Sometimes I wish I knew you better
and that I haven't falter
If only I was stronger
Maybe things would have been different.

7.30am and I should really be on my way to work already. Whats up with the less convinced me dumping up my load on LJ about how Sunday should have been? The day did not start very well; not that the dream of me balding got me all worked up in sweat and ran to the bathroom to take a look at my hair once I'm awake.

Sundays at work till 5 or technically till 7pm since I have tuition after that and it's not the most fantastic idea ever but I guess we just have to slog it out for this period. It helps when I get paid double on weekends while I'm still a temp. I wonder how's pay gonna be like when I get converted.

Please give me a higher pay raise! :)))

Have to get ready and bounce out of the house now else I'll be reaching office beyond 8 (it's usually okay since it's a sunday) but I have things to backup and items to plan and execute now that we're given clear project roles and I won't be at my own desk tomorrow.. till the next month or beyond.

That's the part that really saddens me.

I really wanna tell them don't miss me but I know for sure they'll call me and ask me to run after the other departments' people at where I'm stationed at. See? I'm so poor thing. My neighbor says it'll be so serene and quiet once I'm gone. Very funny huh? hur hur hur...

Maybe there's a good news. East siders, we can meet more often now! :D

Just before I forget about blogging this altogether, i have really cute colleagues!

Yesterday my manager was being really being anxious about receiving some items and proceed to go down to where the loading bay is to receive. Not only did she help out the storeman, but she proceed to open up the big parcel under the hot sun beside the road!

Now, here's the funny part.

2 of my colleagues saw and guess what they did? One went up and asked what she's doing before proceeding to our office to tell us about it accompanied with evil laughters and another while on the way out to buy some tea break snacks, tried to use her camera to take a picture but found out she didn't know how to zoom in to take the photograph!

She came back and showed us this really tiny human in the picture and all we did was "WHY SO SMALL!" before laughing at our manager when she came back all tired out.

Or should I say we're just plain evil? Heheheh

I had a nice long rest last night and I dreamed about this old classmate back in primary school. I'm pretty sure I met him before I knew him because he made an impact on me the first time we introduced.

The dream was set back in the primary school and although for some reason I can't remember the whole storyline, I remembered it as he took a picture out of my wallet and replaced it with his weird grinning face without my knowing. All these are probably photos taken around 5-8 years old. I also saw 2 pictures of this woman that I never met or knew before in my life. It's an old faded picture with her in this traditional dress with floral patterns probably dated in the 1950's.

What's weird about this dream is that I haven't spoken or met this guy ever since we don't see each other after PSLE and I really haven't thought of him for a really long time like the entire 8-9 years. What's even weirder is I have this melancholy feeling the whole day and suddenly I think I wanna meet him up.

Okay, it's damn weird. It also explains why I over-reacted when Changi backed out on the last minute for our little trip out to JB. I mean I'd usually not rush to hang up on her even though I'm peeved.

Sigh, what a weird night for me.

Everyday I'm told that I makes people laugh. I'm funny, I'm cute in the way I act.. but why is it that I don't really feel happy? Like genuinely glowing from inside.

Many times I try to get people to understand what I'm trying to do or say but sometimes even I wonder, what the heck am I doing? Why am I doing this?

I just wish I have all the answers I need to have.

I'm late for bed and I'm up watching gossip girls 3. I'm so not prepared for work tomorrow, considering the fact that it's going to be incredibly busy.

OT? I think so. :(

I'm looking forward to painting my room but thinking of moving the stuffs outta my room for painting convenience is a major put-off. I need assistance.

If only Carlisle exist in my world and do paintings. lol!

A song I overheard while watching the Malaysia-Singapore drama - 美食厨师男 on Mediacorp TV channel 8. Nice cast and storyline.. Such dramas are gaining popularity now! Forget about the weird accents, we're accustomed to it now. :))



张栋梁 - 低调
作词：管启源　 作曲：柯贵民
专辑:沉默的瞬间

嬉笑 打闹 拥抱
留下了那么多开心合照
互相取暖依靠 熬过了最低潮
一起生活 也一起埋怨过
走过最好与最糟
我在心里想的不用说明 你知道

晨昏 日夜 颠倒
这房子突然没从前热闹
散落一地微笑 没有人去打扫
感情很微妙 再多付出也好
再多关心都徒劳
爱从来就没有固定的轨道
它最后停在哪里谁知道

我的难过是如此低调
因为不想打扰我在寂寞的墙角
努力的对自己好 你用微笑回报
朋友或情人不重要
我的悲伤是如此低调 傻子才会哭闹
就算你发现也好
我想你一定会选择 假装不知道
只怕我自己的掩饰不够好
(难到是我对我自己 不够好)

1:50am in the morning and I'm not sleeping. I'm just glad we're having class at 4pm tomorrow later today.

The air-conditioner's driving me crazy. Drip, drip, drip. It just can't stop dripping. It doesn't matter if I switch it on or off. As long as the main compressor's working, it drips and only in my room. Screw that bloody technician who did the pipes the first time round.

I'm busy this week through, despite having only 2 evening lessons this week! The reason being students are having fun changing timing and days in this sudden, spontaneous fashion that I am growing sick of their irresponsible behaviors. So apparently, my time are worthless as compared to theirs as they switch timing to get out to the movies, outings while I have to suffer the consequence and re-arrange my schedule before it clashes with another student.

That warrants me enough to tell one of my student that "hey, I won't be switching lessons or allowing you to switch lessons for these 2 weeks."

It doesn't matter what happens on the 3rd week. I won't have time for them to switch so it won't be possible nor happening. :))

And you guys asked why I have a favorite student? That's because he's 17, smart, hardworking, nice tempered and cute, both in character and looks. Now you know why.

And before you guys start thinking I have a crush on my 17 yo kid, no, I don't and seriously, I think I fancy his ugly looking puppy more. That bugger literally frowned today when I was leaving. What a stressed out dog! He's probably needing some new toy to chew on. I heard he has the habit of biting others' foot so perhaps he need a new foot.

Wow, I've written this all in 12 minutes. I know it ain't a big deal but for a long time I just lost my will, ideas and everything that's required to  write a blog entry properly without using "la leh lors" or sounding like a bimbo or something.

Perhaps I've just lost my mind. Pardon me! :)




 

These days I don't sleep as much as I used to. I lack energy and I feel like some 80's instead of the 20's. I get tired from conversation I'm not interested in. I used to join in even if it's not my kinda thing but now it seems I don't do it anymore.

Shrug it off.

Smile it off.

Pretending to be deaf, mute and blind.

Lord. I can't even get to sleep now. Feeling something's gonna happen anytime, unrest and I'm not sure. What else? Having the runs at this kinda time ain't right either.

On a totally random tone, mom showed me this ultra big black butterfly with bold white stripes resting on our gate just now before moving off to our shoe rack when mom opens the door. I got curious and found this on the internet.
What? But then again, every lunar month we get  big moths, big butterflies flying in and conveniently into my room every time. Mom say it's the grand parents visiting me and we arn't supposed to kill it but it's just ewww. so I decided to close the windows this time round.

Let's hope everything's fine cause I've been feeling like the temper's there and the sleeping routine's a screw up.

9am and the class isn't starting. I wonder if it's a good or bad thing.

Spent the whole night playing monopoly online with Xinying and Xingjie. Xingjie la, always introduce me such addictive things. I wonder if I have the energy to teach tuition in the evening. Lol!

Better not fall asleep like what Paul Lee did while giving remedial lessons. Dozed off on my table!

I digressed.

Am now sitting alone, several seats away from Mingmei and peeps. Playing 'anti-socialism' because my laptop need a charge from the only cable point from the back otherwise I'd have nothing to do (can't view the ppts since I'm really for the paperless cause)

In short, I'm bored.

Thanks goodness we have today as a 3hr lecture.I have the next 3 hours free, probably take a nap at the benches in the quiet corner of the school before meeting up with Iris to help her with the economics. After that it's a 2hr tuition. Good thing tomorrow's Saturday when I can arrange for later sessions with the kids..
 

Caught movie "The Proposal" with Addy on Tuesday. I thought it was going to be good and funny but it was better! I ended up bursting out my laughter in many parts of the movie. Just nice when I needed it!

And Alaska's beautiful. Can I go Sitka please? Hahahahahhaa

As usual, been tired from tuition, school and everything else. Sleep just don't seems to be enough and I'm feeling the heat already. Not a fantastic feel! 


One day thing's gonna be okay. For everyone and everything.
Just wait and believe.

I don't feel the thrill of doing somebody else work.
I don't feel the need to be giving reminders every time for things undone or done shabbily.
I have no idea what makes people tick, but I'd crave them like a smiley if I could.

That makes me wonder, what am I doing to myself? Getting all busy not over my own business but tying up others' loose ends. Pushing myself to the limits to make things better when somebody else should learn the concept.

But that's still okay.

The most infuriating one would be when I treat you as a good friend, accepting you into our group when others still treat you as an 'outsider'. If it's of no value to you then don't get somebody close to me to come and demand something from me.

It's not a favor. Not unless you're asking me personally.

I probably should just live my life irresponsibly towards others but 100% responsible to myself so I can save on all the niceness towards others and put them all on myself. Why should I always accommodate and give in to others request?

It sucks.

So we have all this night markets called Pasar Malam going on in the district recently since it's national day and all and I can't help but buy a bowl of 'shark fin soup' every time I pass by the stall. We all know it's not really shark fin with simple and cheap ingredients that you and me can make for a big pot with less than $10 budget in an hour or lesser!

That's what I did! :)) (i'm just being a miser, $2.30 for a small bowl isn't my kind of thing)


I'm gonna post the recipe up here since Grace always complain there's a lack of food post... and since I might just really forget about the recipe later on. I'm really bad with remembering things sometimes.

What you'll need:

- chicken stock (I used chicken paste, lesser MSG better for my hair. LOL..)
- some chinese mushrooms (i sliced up about 15-20 medium ones)
- 8 crab sticks, peeled or chopped.
- oyster sauce, light soy sauce, pepper and vinegar to taste.
- corn flour to make the texture starchy.
- 1 or 2 egg, beaten.

1. soak chinese mushrooms in water till soft. slice them up thinly. Never slice them up too thickly because mushroom actually balloons when they're in soup and it's really ewww sometimes to be eating them in big chunks.

2. boil the stock from soaking the mushroom, add in chicken stock and wait till it boils. throw in mushroom and crabstick, let it boil.

3. use a dry tablespoon to spoon corn flour onto a clean bowl. add some water and stir. (do not add too much water. just enough to dissolve them.)

4. pour the solution from 3 to the pot. stirring as you pour in.

5. when the pot boils again, check for texture. If starchy enough, now you're ready to slowly stir in your beaten eggs.

6. Add in oyster sauce, soy sauce, vinegar and pepper to taste. DONE! :D

**i added in some dry scallops to add some seafood sweetness to the soup.**